But this left me at a loss. I felt I had no control, no power, no authority over my life or body. The only place I found any kind of control was in my eating. Over that, I had dominion and I took it. I began purging. That set my feet on a journey that would lead me where I am today.

After I reported my coach, I left my dreams and instead I decided to persue college where I began studying psychology. My eating disorder intensified, and I eventually became so sick that the school called my parents and asked them to come get me because they feared for my life.

Next, I was off on a seven-year odyssey through multiple different treatment centers and hospital stay after hospital stay. In those seven years, I found many things that didn’t work for me — and one that opened a door to what would become my healing.

The very first treatment center I went to had an equine program and I fell in love with the barn. The smell of it was what I remember most — I craved that smell and the presence of the horses. The deep peace of being in the barn filled my soul and I cooperated with my counselors just so I could have time with the horses as a reward. By this point, my body was so full of pain that I could no longer control my purging, and my physical illness had made me weak in ways I can only begin to explain. I felt as though I was not going to survive my illness. The horses gave me solace and became the reason I chose to keep fighting to survive.

When I came home from that first treatment center, my dad had constructed for me a healing place on our family ranch. He understood well my love of nature and my need to connect through animals and plants and rocks and water. On our family property, there is a river and that river bends as it changes direction. He chose the bend in the river on which to construct a place just for me — his thoughtfulness and my healing that took place there is the reason my business is now named Freedom’s Bend.

But … there was something still missing. The work I was doing was rewarding, but I was still doing a lot of the same work that hadn’t achieved the level of healing I wanted in my life. I was seeking a true purging of the pain from my body and soul. I was doing well, but not yet thriving. I wanted to do more than just get through the day and I wanted those who I worked with to thrive in life as well. Traditional approaches weren’t quite making the cut.

And then a set of serendipitous events cycled through my life — I got married, and divorced; I met the right man and, two weeks after marrying him, had a horrible accident that landed me in a wheelchair for an extended period of time to recover. I was more peaceful than ever, but still restless in myself and seeking more answers … so my husband created an opportunity for me, his still wheelchair bound wife, to hear a woman speak about horse therapy at an event nearby, I excitedly went.

Horses had already returned to my life in a big way — but I still hadn’t fully made the connection to how much of a role they could and would play in my healing process. As I listened to the woman, Stacey Bean of Indigo Trails, speak about her experience and her business, I became intent on finding out more about the process she used and the impact she had made on the lives she touched. I found out her education came from Touched by a Horse and Melisa Pearce in Colorado. I signed up for the Touched by a Horse Equine Gestalt Certification Program as soon as I was physically able to do so.

Now, I am an Equine Gestaltist. In the process of becoming certified, I had to do my own work. I had to face down the trauma my body still held from a lifetime of being the strong one, the standing one, the rock; from the coach who abused me; from the treatment centers; from the world. In a round pen, on the sacred sand where so many tears before mine have fallen, I was able to finally release the pain and trauma in my body. As I did so, I knew I had found a way to help others who have stood where I once stood. I knew I was called to make a difference in a way my current work just could not do. I stepped into my new life as an Equine Gestaltist.

Now, I am here to guide you through the darkness of your trauma and into the light of healing.

The moral to my story is that I swallowed the world’s pain. I ate it. I ate it instead of food. I took it within me because I wanted to heal those around me. But what I did was make myself sick — and my body took a long time to get it all up and remove it from my heart and soul.

I know I am not alone in this. I know you, my friend, who is still reading this probably understands in a deeper way than you have ever shared. I know you know what it is like to carry the burden for another and for yourself. It is a job you took willingly, a job you are good at … but if you carry it alone any longer, you will make yourself sick and sacrifice your own peace. Come to my round pen, be with my horses, learn how to be the rock, be the standing one, be the anchor; but also learn how to take care of YOU, heal YOU, love YOU. The world needs you to be strong and wise. I offer you a place to vulnerable and supported.

Meet the Horses

Ernie

Ernie is a light worker. He loves to bring ease to everyone he is around. Ernie enjoys the process of healing and he thrives off of connection. He will walk beside you through anything and simply asks that you show up exactly as you are.

Frankie

Frankie is a very sensitive and in tuned horse. Frankie feels your pain on a deeper level than I can describe. He strives for your pain to be covered in safety and love. Frankie has felt his own pain in his life before coming to the ranch and has a deep empathy for those facing their emotional burdens.